The husband of a sister-in-law wore a t-shirt emblazoned with a vintage political “pairing” to the most recent family Christmas gathering: “Reagan/Bush 84.” This fellow and I were standing in the kitchen, where the conversation was lagging.
This was really well expressed. I’m so familiar with this bind you name here- the knowledge that you’ve pushed up against a belief that’s part of the scaffolding of someone’s very sense of identity and safety. It’s as though they’re terrified that challenging it in any way is going to topple their entire house of cards. It’s such exhausting work, but I think it’s still worth doing. ❤️
This is one of the most frustrating parts of intersecting with others - and you hit the mail on the head- when an individual is in conversation and something challenges them to think about something outside their comfort zone they respond with anger rather then taking a deep breath and pondering the information- logic is thrown out the window in order to preserve themselves- However they fail to see how their response makes them look.
This weekend I was speaking with someone and I was clarifying their statement - I was quite shocked back when they raised their voice and shouted at me in anger. Then I realized their response confirmed they were caught once again in a lie.
There are few people who are truly open to conversation- to pondering another point of view and understanding how someone came to their point of view. It truly is a shame because this is what helps us evolve vs keeping our heads in the sand
I appreciate that you get it, Sue. Thank you. We understand cognitive dissonance; so few others seem to. But as you point out, it's hard to find anyone who's truly open to having an honest—perhaps (slightly) painful—conversation. Is it because we've been beaten down for so long, all we can think to do is protect ourselves? I don't want to talk about the weather. That's boring. I am genuinely interested in other people and the ways in which they see the world, but it's hard to get there when all they want to talk about (if we can get beyond the weather) are topics and viewpoints they're parroting back from the nightly news, the latest Netflix series, or what's (safely) trending on social media.
This was really well expressed. I’m so familiar with this bind you name here- the knowledge that you’ve pushed up against a belief that’s part of the scaffolding of someone’s very sense of identity and safety. It’s as though they’re terrified that challenging it in any way is going to topple their entire house of cards. It’s such exhausting work, but I think it’s still worth doing. ❤️
Thank you, Kaeley. Your scaffolding metaphor is a good one. (I may well revisit it in a new post; hope you don't mind.) 😁
This is one of the most frustrating parts of intersecting with others - and you hit the mail on the head- when an individual is in conversation and something challenges them to think about something outside their comfort zone they respond with anger rather then taking a deep breath and pondering the information- logic is thrown out the window in order to preserve themselves- However they fail to see how their response makes them look.
This weekend I was speaking with someone and I was clarifying their statement - I was quite shocked back when they raised their voice and shouted at me in anger. Then I realized their response confirmed they were caught once again in a lie.
There are few people who are truly open to conversation- to pondering another point of view and understanding how someone came to their point of view. It truly is a shame because this is what helps us evolve vs keeping our heads in the sand
I appreciate that you get it, Sue. Thank you. We understand cognitive dissonance; so few others seem to. But as you point out, it's hard to find anyone who's truly open to having an honest—perhaps (slightly) painful—conversation. Is it because we've been beaten down for so long, all we can think to do is protect ourselves? I don't want to talk about the weather. That's boring. I am genuinely interested in other people and the ways in which they see the world, but it's hard to get there when all they want to talk about (if we can get beyond the weather) are topics and viewpoints they're parroting back from the nightly news, the latest Netflix series, or what's (safely) trending on social media.