More Than You Bargained For
If eternal salvation is a gift from God through Jesus, it means that the only thing required to receive it is either asking for it or “holding out your hands to take hold of it.” If anything more than that—weekly Mass attendance, reciting certain prayers, regular confession of sins, financial contributions, the offering up or happy acceptance of suffering, approval from other members of a sect, or a bishop's signature that you're good enough for God now—is necessary, it's not a gift. It's a trade.
If you find peace, solace, meaning in life, or other positives from those ideas, I think that's wonderful. What I got was anxiety.
I've always had a mental model of God saying "I'm here. You can come to me or walk away. And you will do both. You're doing both now. You change; that's inherent to your nature. I'm here. Come towards me. My hand is out."
I have the enviable position where I can simply walk downstairs and discuss these topics with you. Other people would have to write or call.
That’s a great point to ponder - is it a gift or a hoop to jump through- I honestly can’t picture a God who has a book with a bunch of check marks for you didn’t do this or that or the other thing-
There are times I go to mass and find complete solace and peace - but those times are few and far between