100% agree - that was an issue for me - Between a merciful God and those who bahaved and those who didn’t (black and white) - The other part for me was if these things that come natural for me then am I supposed to do more - then feeling mighty for doing more - it was all to much- And Like we talked before about comparing outselves to other homeschoolers and the pressure to know and do such and such and read such and such etc etc etc made me feel less then and a bad Catholic - I’m starting to feel more like myself without all the self imposed ( and institutional imposed) rules.
I do things cause they are part of me - And they happen to be “Christian things to do” - But I do them cause they are who I am and make me happy- It took me a long time to realize that they truly were me and not me trying to “do the things” were supposed to do which everyone kept telling me I needed to do - Which lead to so much confusion about how do I be a better Christian
That's great, Sue! I guess it was a mixed bag for me. I worked hard to understand what the Christian life was supposed to be about, and much of it came naturally: the compassion and loving thy neighbor. But the following the rules and constant judging between right and wrong was something I did because they were the trauma responses that my unconscious had chosen to help me survive. I did these well and did them often (especially when I was with those who swore by rule following and judging between right and wrong), but there was always something about them that chafed. Whenever I wrote blog posts, I found myself railing against rules, black-and-white thinking, labels, and judgments. Finally, the contradictions became untenable, and I needed to abandon what I could not force to be true for me. I simply could not reconcile that a God who is pure, perfect, unconditional love would judge anyone unworthy, especially since we begin our lives at the complete and utter mercy of other human beings, and their treatment of us shapes who we become and what we do.
100% agree - that was an issue for me - Between a merciful God and those who bahaved and those who didn’t (black and white) - The other part for me was if these things that come natural for me then am I supposed to do more - then feeling mighty for doing more - it was all to much- And Like we talked before about comparing outselves to other homeschoolers and the pressure to know and do such and such and read such and such etc etc etc made me feel less then and a bad Catholic - I’m starting to feel more like myself without all the self imposed ( and institutional imposed) rules.
Excellent! We each need to find the paths meant for us.
I do things cause they are part of me - And they happen to be “Christian things to do” - But I do them cause they are who I am and make me happy- It took me a long time to realize that they truly were me and not me trying to “do the things” were supposed to do which everyone kept telling me I needed to do - Which lead to so much confusion about how do I be a better Christian
That's great, Sue! I guess it was a mixed bag for me. I worked hard to understand what the Christian life was supposed to be about, and much of it came naturally: the compassion and loving thy neighbor. But the following the rules and constant judging between right and wrong was something I did because they were the trauma responses that my unconscious had chosen to help me survive. I did these well and did them often (especially when I was with those who swore by rule following and judging between right and wrong), but there was always something about them that chafed. Whenever I wrote blog posts, I found myself railing against rules, black-and-white thinking, labels, and judgments. Finally, the contradictions became untenable, and I needed to abandon what I could not force to be true for me. I simply could not reconcile that a God who is pure, perfect, unconditional love would judge anyone unworthy, especially since we begin our lives at the complete and utter mercy of other human beings, and their treatment of us shapes who we become and what we do.